Thoughts From Linda

Our August and September newsletter includes this writing from Linda, Heather's Mom.

 

At the time of this newsletter, eleven months have passed since we lost Heather. I look back and wonder where I’ve been. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months…soon a full year of grieving, of missed hugs and kisses, of laughter and “Heather”isms, of beautiful smiles and practical jokes, of text messages and daily I Love You’s.

She missed her little brother’s wedding, never met his wife and will not see the success he’s become. Her 29th birthday has passed. Heather’s death has created a vast emptiness I never knew existed or ever wanted to know.

I’ve learned from other Mom’s who have lost a child that the pain never goes away; you just learn to accept life without them, some days just going through the motions. I know I will experience pleasure again and I do in small doses but cannot fully enjoy it yet. I’m thankful for my husband, my son, my family and those who love me and support me, yet I feel guilty for not being me. I listen to others tell me how strong I am, how well I ‘m doing, while inside I am screaming and want the world to stop. I look at strangers and think ‘don’t they know I’ve just lost my child, my heart, a loving and beautiful person who was brutally snatched from this earth?’ How can they carry on their daily lives and not feel my sadness?

It’s put a strain on those close to me. Not because I love them or treasure them any less, but because I am not whole. I do not know how to live this life that is no longer familiar to me. For 28 years, my daughter and I shared so much. We grew up together, me learning to become a Mom at 18. She made it easy for me, learning to talk by the time she was 9 months old, walking before 1 year. She was always so smart and a beauty from the beginning. But now my nights are filled with Heather’s last moments on this earth and I can’t sleep. I feel her terror, her pain, hear her pleading for her life and I wonder, did she cry for me? Did she whisper my name in the last few moments of her life and wonder why I wasn’t there to help her and protect her?

We chose to spare George’s life. His Mother can still see his face and hear his voice. Why did he take Heather’s? I will never understand. I go places and think of her, knowing she will never feel the warm summer breeze, swim in a cool lake, feel saltwater on her face, see her family, work on her house or tweak little Hobie’s nose, which was a habit of hers.

She wanted a family of her own and a baby. She didn’t deserve this. I will never have the chance to see or be with Heather again until our earthly lives are over and I meet her in Heaven, which is what I long for, but as a human, I yearn for her now. I miss her. We all do. It’s all so senseless, so unfair. I constantly read and search the Bible, I want to know I’ll see her again and I believe I will.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-17 TNIV says:

13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

14 We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

15 According to the Lord's word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.

16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Heather wasn’t perfect, but she was a Christian and she believed in God and the Bible. We will rely on the power of God’s grace to redeem us until we are together again one day in His Kingdom and I’ll see my beautiful girl.

by Linda H. Francomb

 

 

Material Copyright © 2008 Heather's T.R.E.E. All rights reserved.